There used to be a time when I longed for things. Experiences, knowledge, talents, accomplishments, love, community, companionship, pride, self confidence, some sort of sense of completion.
Lately I feel like I no longer expect any of those things. They exist for other people at most. I will, at best, know them tangentially, as one experiences the lives of characters in novels.
At times there is nothing more absurd than the assertion that I deserve these things. Much less the idea that I will receive them.

And I don't know if that's growing up.
Or giving up.
Maybe they're the same thing.


"You didn't get mature, you got tame / they ain't the same"
- P.O.S

"Been failing for years and call yourselves vets, that's bold / Motherfucker, you're not a vet, you're just old"
- El-P

posted by adam @ 10:11 PM