my inadvertent adventure (or, that'll teach you to sleep in, you idiot):

today i found myself unexpectedly thrust into an inadvertent adventure. an accidental quest to get to work.

the circumstances from which this quandary of a journey emerged was not my fault. but all that followed was very much due to my own decisions. but in the end i regret nothing. haha.

the doornob and lock on the bathroom door have been a bit tricky lately. there have been multiple times where the door feels locked despite not actually being locked. this included one occasion when i woke up three separate times one night to find the bathroom locked each time. i cursed my bad luck at having to pee so bad but waking up three different times at the exact time someone else was in the bathroom (or in the bathroom for one long, and i can only imagine gnarly, trip). in the morning i come to discover that no one had actually been in the bathroom. the door had been closed and felt locked but really it only needed a stronger turn to discover it was unlocked all along.

anyway, as i was preparing to get ready for the day with a bathroom trip and some brushing of the teeth i hear my alarm going off in my room. i thought to myself, i should go turn that off and grab my towel so i can shower. i turned the little thing on the knob to the unlocked position and tried to turn the knob. it was stuck. surely this was just a case of the knob being sticky again. i would turn with much more force. nothing. i tried turning it back to locked and then unlocking again. still no luck. it was at this point that i realized the lock was probably broken and stuck in the locked position. i chuckled a little at the silly inconvenience. then i realized that no one else was home.

i was locked in the bathroom.

this was still a little funny to me. but i had to figure out a way out because i was already quite late for work.

i had my laptop with me (because i pretty much must have music at all times and i listen to stuff off my laptop when i am getting ready for the day - i refuse to think it is weird that i take my laptop into the bathroom so shut up), so my first thought was to tweet my roommate, chance, something along the lines of "HELP! I'm stuck in the bathroom! Come get me out." it would be embarrassing but also funny.

then i remembered the window.

there is a window in the bathroom that is large enough for me to climb out of. it is adjacent to the balcony/porch that leads into the kitchen. it would be a bit of a possibly dangerous maneuver to get out the window to the balcony but it was definitely doable. and it would be bad ass.

how often does one get to escape through a bathroom window? that only happens in the movies and the television. i got a little excited at the ridiculous wonderfulness of this possibility.

if i somehow messed up and fell it would be very bad. two story drop. unpleasant.

i decided to take a shower, get as ready for the day as i could and escape through the window.

i never bothered tweeting chance and instead tweeted "this might be a really dumb idea."

it is only now, after all has unfolded that i realize i was worried about the wrong part of this dumb idea.

i made my way out the window and successfully reached the balcony. it was pretty easy, actually.

as i turned to make my way back into the house, i realized that i probably wouldn't be able to make it back into the bathroom so i should close the window. cause i wouldn't want to leave it open in the rainy cold. first i went to close the outside window (which doesn't lock) but thought better of it as we always leave it open so it's easy to vent the bathroom of steam and whatnot. instead i closed the inner window (which locks by itself).

as i heard the window click into place and turned around to head to the sliding door and my successful escape my mind started grinding into motion (a bit late).

i just climbed out the window (successfully escaping being trapped in the bathroom!) and locked myself out of the house.

what a dolt.

for some strange reason it had not occurred to me until that moment that none of the doors would be unlocked. the foolishness of my plan immediately washed over me. i had gotten far too caught up in the fun adventurousness of climbing out a window.

just to paint the proper picture, i was now standing out on the balcony/porch in my v-neck undershirt, pajama pants and no socks or shoes. and it was somewhere in the upper 30s.

at this point i began berating myself for my impetuousness.

while also trying to figure out some way back into the house.

i tried the doors and windows. all locked.

i knocked on the doors and rang the doorbell, just in case someone happened to be home. nope.

i thought of going to the neighbors to borrow a phone and call chance. a solid plan. if it was about 15 years ago. in this age of cell phones i only remember about 5 phone numbers. my own cell number, the phone number for my childhood home and 3 other numbers from before i had a cell phone. that option was out.

i could try and wait it out until alchi's parents returned home from work (alchi is another of my roommates. as are her parents). that could be hours. probably not a good idea.

for a moment i thought of breaking a window. not really feasible.

i thought i could try and credit card the lock on one of the doors. i didn't have any sort of credit card object with me, so i decided to try and find something (this is aside from the fact that i've never carded a door open in my life and i'm not sure i'd be able to figure it out). i found a random fork and a box of copper pipes. neither was of any use. although i did attempt something with the fork for about ten seconds.

as i was foraging for breaking and entering materials i came across a pair of rudy's (alchi's dad) sandals sitting out on the downstairs porch. i had previously thought of going to a friend's house to see if i could reach chance on their phone/computer/etc but didn't want to wander the streets barefoot. this would solve that problem. there was also a random box of things to be taken to d.i. in which i found a green flannel shirt. this would help with the cold. (note: even when wearing a random, cast away flannel i button the buttons all the way to the top. and would have tucked it in if not for the fact i was wearing pajama pants.)

unfortunately both of my bikes had flat tires and alchi and chance's bikes were locked together so i couldn't use any of them. but rudy had a bike. and it wasn't locked up. i could ride the bike to several places until i found someone who was home. things were looking up.

i slipped on the shirt, the sandals and grabbed the bike. as i rolled it out something felt wrong. both tires were flat. crap.

but this could be fixed! i had a pump out on the balcony.... which i had moved inside two nights ago after having left it out for months. crap.

looks like i would have to go on foot. not such a big deal. i walk a lot. though not usually in glorified pajamas.

i would go to heather and jesse's place first as it was closest and jesse was the most likely to be home. jesse is a teacher so he gets off earlier than most working people. as i made my way towards their apartment i saw some high school kids walking home. this was a good sign. school was out. there was a chance he would be home.

i walked the two blocks or so to their place and found that jesse's car was not in the parking lot. no need to give up, perhaps heather would randomly be home. ring the doorbell. knock. no luck.

off to the next stop.

i decided that allison and kristina's house was the next best option. they weren't that far away and it was quite possible one of them would have chance or alchi's number so i could call.

it was on the way to their house that i realized the sandals were a bit on the large side. and were rubbing the skin of my big toes a bit raw. i'd have a bit of a sore, but no worries. i would soon be safely inside my own house. or at least somewhere that wasn't outside.

as i walked up towards their house i could see that none of their cars were there. no one would be home. where to next?

pearl's house was just a couple more blocks away. if i was lucky she would be working and sitting right there at her computer in the living room and all would be solved. i'd be embarrassed and maybe awkward but all would be solved. off to pearl's.

this is when i noticed that my toes were starting to bleed. and it kind of hurt.

no time for such concerns. onward.

turning the corner towards pearl's house i saw that her car was in the driveway. in fact there were many cars about. someone would be home.

ring the bell. knock the door.
multiple times.
no answer.
dang.

enough time had passed that jesse would have to be home by now. as long as he didn't have a class tonight. i decided to head back the way i came.

i tend to walk faster than most people. on my way back i end up passing by an old woman on the sidewalk. as i pass she is muttering something to herself. i think something along the lines of 'what are you saying old lady? you're weird' only to remember seconds later that i am patrolling the streets in pajamas and sandals. she was probably muttering something about the weird homeless pajama man that was chasing her.

walked back past allison and kristina's house. still no one.

bloody toes. lots of scrapped up skin. that's kinda gross.

back to heather and jesse's. jesse's car is there. yes.

ring the doorbell.
nothing.

i know that jesse will sometimes not answer the door if he isn't expecting someone.

knock on the door. with some urgency.
nothing.

i am not leaving. he must be home.

right as i am thinking of yelling "jesse! it's me! answer the door!" i hear the lock being undone.
the door opens.
yes.

i explain the situation to jesse and have him take a picture of my bloody feet because the whole time i am wandering around i am thinking about how i must tell this story on my blog. haha.

we head to my place of employment to borrow chance's key so i can get in the house.

i make my way to chance as fast as possible so as to avoid anyone seeing me in pajama pants. give him a quick explanation and get his keys.

jesse and i return to my house and i get dressed and ready for work.

on the way back to work i reward myself for my bravery and fortitude in the face of such adversity with a double cheeseburger combo from wendy's.

i get to work super late and am only able to work 3 hours and 15 minutes.

but, i had a delightful adventure.



the l.l. bean shirt that kept me warm:


bleeding feet murphy:


the sandals what did it:


why, yes, that is blood and a chunk of flesh on them:

posted by adam @ 10:54 PM