i probably shouldn't stay up this late.
it's not good for my wandering mind.


"stay awake, little misfit"

posted by adam @ 3:13 AM 0 comments

it must just be a pre-birthday malaise of some sort.
hopefully.

posted by adam @ 12:06 AM 0 comments

unrelated random lines for remembering:

these love equations never come up equal
the other side's never got the right people
and x's equal too many y's
irrational numbers conflicting with the sines
no choice but to divide



so call it braggadon't because i don't have the right to brag or boast about a thing so i prob'ly won't

posted by adam @ 12:10 AM 0 comments

go now, you'll be stronger than they've let you / you'll do better than they've taught you / okay, okay:


tonight was a really good night. so very many people that i care about were around. and new people i don't know well but seem cool and interesting. and everyone was just happy and enjoying each other. it all felt right. and, in a weird way that i won't be able to explain right, like a 'this is your life' sort of night. a state of your acquaintances address from the ether. a this is why you are okay and this is what makes you happy and you both belong to it and add to it kind of thing.

and like a culmination.
and an end of a chapter.
and a beginning of whatever is next.
and that beginning feels promising tonight.
and i hope that feeling carries over for me.
cause i feel like i need it.

posted by adam @ 2:30 AM 1 comments

i feel a lot like punching walls right now.
just blasting fist-sized holes into dry wall.
over and over and over and over again.

but instead i'm gonna eat some pizza and watch netflix all day.

posted by adam @ 2:07 PM 0 comments

sandman:

i don't know why they call her sandman, cause, honestly, sleep's just a stuck up bitch that never gives it up /
even after a day's worth of wining and dining and throwing her pills, she still won't even budge /
a gentle nudge on the eyelids, a peck on the cheek, enough to tease you, she's out to get you feeling luck /
but it's just taunting and teasing, she's not one for pleasing, left you staring at the wallpaper peeling up /
so now you're steeling up your nerves for one last perverse attempt to tempt fate and catch her slumbering /
a last approach, her last reproach, then you note the time slipped, the hours that your numbering /
a compromise is struck, you have defied your luck, it's agreed, she'll let you see her cousin next /
your subtle breath slows, all troubles get closed, save for one, this is the night that you summoned death /
rest/


this is something i wrote last night while i couldn't sleep for a couple hours. sorry for the derogatory curse word, but i was quite annoyed at the time. and i decided to keep it in there cause we're all grown ups. or at least pretend to be.

it's a little weird, cause every line would actually be two bars (if this, like anything i ever write, actually made it to its intended song form). and i'm pretty sure that unless you happen to read it with the exact (maybe just similar?) cadence i have in my head it probably doesn't read super well. but, um, that's your own fault for not reading it right. yeah.

posted by adam @ 12:07 AM 0 comments

i'm gonna miss the next chance lewis show cause i will be out of town at a family reunion.
and the more i think about it, the more annoyed i feel.

it would have been a perfect forced deadline for writing this new song.
not to mention it would have been fun to do two songs at a show.

posted by adam @ 12:04 AM 0 comments

i'll explain everything to the geeks:


for some reason everything felt a bit off this weekend. writing, drawing, interactions, rapping, thinking, whatever. not bad, mind you. just off. not quite as quality or good as it should be. as it is on a typical day. like i had just taken four months off of doing everything and kind of had to relearn how to do it.

i guess there are worse ways to spend a weekend than relearning to breath.



this song was in my head when i woke up this morning. so, of course, it gets posted.

the national-vanderlyle crybaby geeks

posted by adam @ 11:50 PM 1 comments

pictures of things:

posted by adam @ 3:49 AM 0 comments

schemes, unborn:



not really how i wanted it to be anyway, so i suppose no big loss. the fact i couldn't draw it right after three tries on paper means it would probably have been a disaster on a wall.

saul williams - tao of now

posted by adam @ 11:08 PM 0 comments

good or bad, who can ever tell from so close up?:

there was a meeting at work which has quite possibly made my job worse. or perhaps it will just make it challenging again. and un-tedious. like i wanted it to be. i can't tell.


lately i keep getting the thought that i need to completely destroy my life as i currently know it. crash down all my comforts and habits and patterns. lay waste to it all. and then start all over again.

the problem being that i do not have anywhere near the nerve required to start. much less pull it off.


sometimes i wonder what would happen if i were ever able to completely loose my tongue. but then i also feel that there's a reason for it's agoraphobia. or maybe purpose is a better word.


i've noticed that i have had my hair up all day long, every day for at least the last week. i wonder if that means it is time to cut my hair. and beard. and pretend harder that i am a grownup.


i have other, much more interesting blog posts that i have been meaning to put up. but i feel like they require more time and attention than i have had lately (had is probably not the right word. that i have been willing to give would be more accurage). so, instead, here's a song by pylon. i've been listening to them a lot the last few days. so nice. consider it a preview to a possible (though not guaranteed) ddvm b-sides mix.

pylon - beep

posted by adam @ 10:29 PM 1 comments

this is what i was working on all weekend.




and then here's the song, in case you wanna check it out.
it'll be up on itunes soon too.

posted by adam @ 12:03 AM 0 comments

finally, finally, finally:

sometimes the shower is just the perfect place for an epiphany.

i've been trying to think of some line or phrasing or beginning that would help me get into writing this new verse for a chance lewis song. and all i've had are phrases that should go in the middle. nothing to jump off from.

and i've been trying to figure out a way to use the old 'back in the days when i was a teenager' start of that tribe called quest song (even though it's been done a million times, i still love that reference).

just now, while half freestyling in the shower i magically combined the two into one.

and i know this won't seem good here on the blog, but i am pleased.

back in the days when i was a teenager
before there was a facebook and everything was lamer
you could find the ad hoc dreamin' big to savor
the flavor of braver means to greater pay dirt


it's a light start but i think it will work well with the theme and all. i want to have a 24 bar long verse. straight through. i don't know if chance will go for it, but maybe if i can write it well enough.

anyways, i'm rambling now.
the end.

here's the tribe called quest song i'm referencing. and then another song that references it.

tribe called quest - excursions


mike mictlan and lazerbeak - l.a. raiders hat

posted by adam @ 11:38 PM 1 comments

umm, i have no name for this yet:

goals piled up 'til they block out the sun, black
a world's worth of wishes stacked on atlas' young back
a thousand words' worth of hopes leaving the tongues slack
but plain as day they're left looking at numb facts
the next plain day they'll start, tomorrow's perfect for pistol
shots marking starts of races won when nimble
they may not run if fickle, next day the sun will trickle
it's a whole new tomorrow to chase bum slung nickles

posted by adam @ 10:15 PM 0 comments

this was among my favorite moments of the evening:

other person (whispering): you should do a song.
me (also whispering): i don't have any.
other person (still whispering): oh..... well, you should write one.

posted by adam @ 10:04 PM 0 comments

well, i finished it.
and it turned out pretty good.

and there is an advantage to being home alone.
you can sing along to erasure as loud as you want and not feel embarrassed.
and erasure can carry you through almost anything.

now, if i were smart, i would think of all the projects i still have to do and i would plan how to space them out in order to efficiently progress.
but instead i'll probably just goof off until i feel the crushing pressure of wasted time piling onto my shoulders.

that's what i call a work flow.

posted by adam @ 1:24 AM 0 comments

another night alone in my room.
i'm ready to be done with this project.
i don't charge enough for this.
i kind of feel like i lost my weekend.
but i guess it's my own fault.

moody dance/rap music shall pull me through.

and maybe in the end it will somehow end up looking good.

posted by adam @ 8:41 PM 0 comments

hmmm....

earlier i was listening to the instrumentals from the cannibal ox album and scott asked me which one was the one with the philip glass sample. and i'm about 97% sure that the only place i mentioned that was on this blog. which means either he does occasionally read it or someone is spreading my content to him in some other fashion.

just a thought.


here's a remix of justin bieber by el-p. it's quite humorous. and non-bieberesque. he's a great producer. he's got an instrumental album coming out soonish. in fact, it comes out on my birthday.
hmmm....

baby (el-p death mix)
right click to save and all that business.

posted by adam @ 1:28 AM 2 comments

the third annual trip to idaho falls to watch the sky catch fire (also known as trip to idaho falls 3: return of two kings [along with four new kings]) was awesome. so many good times. much camaraderie and joy. i'm not gonna lie, i was stressed out before the trip began. i was worried and not super excited to go. i don't know why but i always have to stress out to the point of not wanting to go before trips. but it ended up way fun. we hit up all the usual stuff. i was worried that it would end up feeling rote after this many years in a row, but it was all still fresh. the fireworks were the best yet. the zoo was an oasis for the soul. the square ice cream was squarelicious. for once i bought some exploding things to bring home. the canal pops were glorious. and the halls of the hotel smelled like urinal cakes. booyah.

usually after a trip my first day back at work is horrible. i feel bored and stir crazy. but today was actually good. and i was on time. and it was a beautiful day. and i got to enjoy some dics golf after work. and the company of two friends i haven't seen a lot of lately.

today i felt happy and good about my life. the vacation restored something in me. rejuvenated me. so, thank you idaho falls and everyone that was on the trip. you reset my off-time soul.

that's why i'm posting this non-specific or interesting post. because i never say anything when i am happy. but i thought you, the readers of my mostly sad sack blog, should know that, along with melancholy and nostalgic and mopey, i can also be happy and thankful and optimistic.



now here's an awesome video of shad rapping that i probably posted here already months ago. but you will enjoy it anew. because it's awesome.



on the trip scott and i had some epic freestyle sessions that were almost as good as that.
and by almost i mean about 5% as good.
watch out, it's only a matter of time til we get to 100.

posted by adam @ 8:55 PM 0 comments

pocket full of pennies and a soul gone tilt:


one of four by aesop rock




"i guess it is kind of funny when you look at it from a step back. how one man can literally buckle under the same pressures other men operate normally under...but i guess when you can't breathe there are people there to breathe for you."

posted by adam @ 11:22 PM 0 comments

freedom festival:

tonight the city is alive
and everyone is celebrating

i've hidden myself away
sitting on my bed
feeling my face turn red

i embarrass even myself.

posted by adam @ 11:03 PM 0 comments